Chemo, day one

Hi Friends!

A few people have reached out in the last week or so saying "are you ok?" because I hadn't posted in a while.

We're good, there were no posts because nothing was happening yet. It was a hoopla to get doctors, insurance, pharmacy, and us all coordinated. 

My chemo arrived today so my first dose is tonight. It's pill-form chemo I get to take at home. I brought the package into the house and opened it with the care and consideration you would give a live explosive. I'm glad nobody but Torin was watching me, I think it was a little comical! I was channeling my inner Wile E Coyote or Tom Cat by tip toeing through the house holding it out in front of me and setting it gingerly on the counter. I wielded the box cutter with surgical precision to open the box. With a deep breath, I pulled out the bottles to confirm nothing is open. They were contained in a smaller clear bag wrapped with all the clear tape and bubble wrap on the planet so I felt confident that they were safe. Then, I unceremoniously chucked the still sealed bag on the counter and handed Torin the mountain of bubble wrap that had filled the majority of the box. Poison pills ready for consumption and happy baby, done.

The oral chemo cancer team (I didn't know there was a team dedicated to that! UM Health has all of the bells and whistles) called me today to go over the procedure, confirm my other meds, and give me an opportunity to ask more questions. It was an intern, so I had fun with him! I asked questions about things he wasn't prepared for because he has studied drug interactions but doesn't have a lot of information on dietary restrictions for the immunosuppressed. I discovered this quickly when I asked him about coffee, sushi, and alcohol. He was sooooo uncomfortable "let me look this up". He was then concerned I was an alcoholic so he said "well don't consume any in excess...". I cut him off and told him not to worry about it. I'm not a big drinker anyways, I'm a half of one and done girl, so overconsumption for me would be A drink. I could hear him nervously laugh a little. Poor interns,  I am always unintentionally a learning experience for them. I assured him not to worry about the booze, my only concern was the caffeine because I had already given up all three items during the 9 months I was pregnant. The meltdown would only occur if I had to give up coffee, again. I can have it! Crisis averted.

Over the last few days I've surprised myself. I am more scared about tonight than I thought I would be. I think it's because it has been mentally and emotionally "real" for the last few weeks but tonight it becomes physically real. Tonight I become a cancer patient undergoing treatment. Those are heavy words. Years ago, everything happened in such a whirlwind I didn't have time to sit and ruminate. This time I had nearly a month to do just that. Between lack of sleep and nervousness I've had increased seizures the last few days. Now, it's 6:30, and getting dark out, I only have a few more hours until it's "go time". Cancer or not, we all get anxious before big life events, and usually it ends up being all worked up for naught. I know things will go well and I will be fine but it doesn't make it less scary. 

Like the box endeavor and torturing the intern, I'll probably have some ridiculous story tomorrow about what happens tonight. 

On the less worries side of things: I can still have caffeine when I feel like death so that's good. An even more exciting less worry: my chemo is FREE! It's a luxury to be poisoned on purpose, on the house. Not all cancer patients are as lucky as I have and will be to not spend a cent on chemo. 

For those who want to know the details about my meds and what is happening tonight:

I'm taking Temodar on a 28-day cycle. I take it for 5 nights straight, a couple of weeks later I get a blood draw to see how low my white blood count dipped, and a weekish later we do another blood draw to see if I went back up again enough to do another round. It's recommended you take it at night on an empty stomach with an antinausea medication. 

Basically, on days 1-3, I did pretty well, on days 4-5, I felt a little nauseated all day but not horrible, and on days 6-8, I was tired like I had had the flu for 2 weeks with no water. It builds in momentum and you feel the worst in the days immediately after you take it.

When I underwent treatment before, the first couple of months were rough. There was one especially difficult night where I didn't fall asleep immediately and nausea set in. I couldn't hold down my own saliva for 6 hours straight. Luckily, I was at my Dad's house for this event and he and Sherry gave me some info/tools so that I handled the nausea better for the remaining year of cycles. I'm better prepared to prevent that this time. 

So, minus the magical one-night stand with my dad's powder room toilet, it will hopefully go the same this time. Not pleasant but certainly not the end of the world.

I'll have updates tomorrow!