Raising men is not for the weak!

The reason last night's blog was postponed was the below letter. I may never be a parent, and luckily I have an aunt who is happy to have help with her boys. I've taken the "older cousin/temporary sister/mom-helper role very seriously while staying here. Both Jason and I adore my Aunt Lisa and are so thankful for her. Her boys are typical boys, they argue, they are active, they are testing boundaries. My mother always told me that it's one thing to raise a child, it's another to raise a "man" when she was referring to raising my brother Brett. My aunt is raising TWO. Bless her!

The words I gave Collin may not sink in for awhile, but I take comfort in knowing that as long as he does not delete my email, he will have them to refer to any time he likes. I hope I am wise

Hey,

Even though you left our talk angry last night, I'm glad we talked. And even if it doesn't feel helpful or that we made any progress, we do. Sometimes things get worse before they get better, and it takes work to improve no matter what kind of improvement it is. Sometimes, I have a hard time putting into words what I'm trying to get across, so I rely on the words of other people to help get the "gist" of what I'm trying to say. Here are some ones I found for you this morning.


When brothers agree, no fortress is so strong as their common life.  ~Antisthenes

A friend is a brother who was once a bother.  ~Author Unknown

Help your brother's boat across, and your own will reach the shore.  ~Hindu Proverb

Siblings are the people we practice on, the people who teach us about fairness and cooperation and kindness and caring - quite often the hard way.  ~Pamela Dugdale

He is my most beloved friend and my bitterest rival,
my confidant and my betrayer,
my sustainer and my dependent,
and scariest of all, my equal.
-Gregg Levoy

The way for a young man to rise is to improve himself in every way he can, never suspecting that anybody wishes to hinder him. Abraham Lincoln

A man should look for what is, and not for what he thinks should be. Albert Einstein

Try not to become a man of success, but rather try to become a man of value. Albert Einstein

The value of a man should be seen in what he gives and not in what he is able to receive. Albert Einstein

It is a man's own mind, not his enemy or foe, that lures him to evil ways.
Buddha

To be a good person is more valuable than being a successful person, to show others kindness and be forgiving is stronger than using power, and that's because it's harder to do, but WORTH IT to do. The measure of a man is in his ability to give to others, to always be kind, make others feel good, and be HONEST, TRUE, FAIR.

Collin, when you stop focusing on what you think "should" be and accept what is, you will be rewarded by just being happier in general. When you are happier, it affects those around you. The more you focus on 'my life would be better without x, y, or z," it poisons your heart, and then poisons your interactions with those people or things you have trained yourself to think are bothersome.

Being kind is more important than being "right", being helpful is more important than getting what you want, and the more you do this, the more you will find that people want to be helpful and kind towards you.

My boss always tells me "Honey gets the bees" when you are "sweet" to others, it is amazing what kind of hard-working, tireless, and fearless fighters you will attract to your life.

And it can't be a manipulation, people can sense when you truly do care for them versus being "fake" nice just to get something out of them. When you do truly care and you do right by them, they want to care and do right to you.

Think about this some, I'll be sending you more quotes from time to time. I worry about you because I can tell you often feel angry, unheard, and lash out and fight with your brother, or annoy your mom. You argue every time someone tells you to do something, it poisons your relationship with them instead of it being what it was meant to be: someone who loves you asking you to help them look out for you by doing what they request. You question their motives, you mistrust, just because you can't see the point right away. You'll have to trust it. The answers are not immediately given.

Also, one thing that was really tough for me to learn growing up, and something I still struggle with, is that sometimes someone loves you and does the MOST RIGHT by you by telling you NO. Sometimes I have to do that with my staff, and it's hard, but sometimes there is more to learn and grow and gain from not getting everything your heart desires. Remember that.

This is a lot to read and take in, but the quotes help me put into words what I'm trying to say. Also, they were GREAT men who said them, men that I would love for you to grow up and model, and think you could if you wanted to.

I have a lot more to say, but I will stop here for now.

I love you Collin, I have faith in your ability to be a good son and brother and have appreciated when you are a good cousin to me. I would love to see more happiness in your life. Life is hard, complex, and takes a lot of effort. Better eat your veggies so you have the energy to do it!

Love,

~Danielle~

What we do and say in this world carries on and ripples out and affects people long after we've left it. One less thing to worry about.