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Celebrate, Remember, Fight Back!

Relay for Life was yesterday. I went for 4 hours, and it was AWESOME! =) Lots of people came out to support, including a lot of staff who sported the "Team DJ" t-shirts that Karla designed to raise money for the cause. I loved seeing all the staff, the music, the energy around relay, and some of the speakers invited this year were really great. The man who spoke before the luminera ceremony made me cry. I heard that we raised about 65,000, that could be more but just hasn't been announced yet.

The only hitch with all this Relay activity was that I was out WAY past my bedtime, and today I paid for it. We picked up my mother at the bus station today pretty early, and I spent most of the day in bed after that. My uncle is getting a cold and so I avoided him like the plague. Etc. The worst part was another seizure, about 20 minutes ago. I got the lecture from my mom about pushing to hard, staying out too late, working too much, fighting the wrong battle due to guilt. She didn't lecture me too hard, she's just concerned. Another seizure where I felt tingles on the side of my face, and instead of fear, I wanted to bawl my eyes out, just break out and cry, and the aura (feeling I get when I know it's coming) lasted longer. The whole ordeal was 3 minutes, the longest one yet. I'm on the most meds I've been on yet. This is not good.

What this weekend brought to light is how frustrated I am. I am finally starting to get angry with the lack of energy I have, and the fact that my body won't hold up to what I want it to do. Even in the aftermath of my surgery and diagnosis, I've been feeling good, very energetic. Going out and trying to work and go to events has shown me how little energy I've REALLY got. I've overestimated myself, and then on top of that I've felt the need to portray myself in my best light. Everyone's impression is that I'm happy, energetic, glowing, and I don't know if they're just being polite or if I'm really faking everyone out, including myself. No more hiding, I'm out of work for a bit, and now I have finally accepted it. I've got to take a break. I felt better when I was out of work so I guess it's time to not push and fake it til I make it, because it's not working. Not for now anyway.

Luckily, my mom is here to help ease that adjustment. It can feel like vacation. My mother, Brett, and I used to drive out here to visit my aunt and the boys every spring break when I was younger. Brett was commenting how he was looking forward to mom getting here so it would "feel like old times." The boys have requested we spend an evening watching the old home movies from those days. So, it looks like some laughter, nostalgia, and gelato are in order. My brother has never had real gelato before. (What?!?!?!)

My family's timing is perfect to encourage me to relax and help me accept some of the tougher truths of fighting the fight, one less thing to worry about.

Me and Mom at the family reunion this summer....  =)

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