Sorry!
I just realized that I hadn't updated you all. It's not nice to say "it's delayed" and then not say if or when it happened. It did. I made it!
However, let me tell you about night 5 of the chemo cycle.
All nights, starting at 9pm, I have to take pills at exact times over the next two hours. I'm wrought with restlessness and anticipation. I pace, sit, look at my phone to check the time every 10 minutes, and fret over missing the timeline. Sometimes I do and things have to shift, it's not the end of the world but it adds to the unease.
Music, TV, Meditation, Torin snuggles, I use all of the distractions and calming strategies plus some. They don't always work as well as I hope. It is easy to fall down the rabbit hole of doubt. I let myself imagine and make plans for a tough night. Most importantly, which bathroom I'm going to use so I don't wake Torin and Aaron.
It takes all of the mental fortitudes I can muster to swallow 4 horse-pills of poison at the end of the night. I do it all at once so I don't lose my nerve. It is uncomfortable and probably dangerous, so I don't recommend that strategy, but I digress.
Those are nights 1-4. Night 5 is the same procedure but exponentially harder. I'm already feeling weak and nauseated, but there is no backup dose if I puke. It HAS to stay down. That's how it usually goes for every challenge, right? You feel the least prepared when it's time to be most effective. So I try to keep that in perspective despite it being a life/death sort of issue. Minor detail.
It's hard, but I'm a "rip the bandaid off" kind of girl. Do it and it's done. This time, for round two, I successfully avoided paying homage to the porcelain throne. Earl, 0, Me, 2.
Going a full 100% dose was smart, I was able to handle it. Its difficulty showed in a way I didn't expect. I didn't feel "more" sick as one would assume, but I felt sick for longer. It took 9 days before I ate a legitimate meal. I survived mostly on cheese cubes, raw veggies, protein shakes, and yogurt/granola. I wanted nothing "cooked". When I felt well enough I would still venture to the kitchen and cook some meals for Aaron, but then had to promptly exit the room to avoid the smell of what I created. It felt like the cooker's dilemma threefold. Usually by the time I'm done cooking I don't feel like eating. On chemo, by the time I'm done cooking my cooking makes me sick. It didn't kill Aaron though so it must have gone ok!
I can confidently fill the cupboards with what I know will keep me sustained for the next round, and tonight I'm eating some leftover chicken tiki masala with no worries of intestinal distress. One less thing to worry about!
Here's my little stinker who loaded three diapers and two pairs of pants today with an unimaginable stench. He is the only one in the house who finds it amusing.
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