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Round 2!

 I'm starting round 2 on Monday.

My bloodwork this last week showed that I recovered well from round one. Whoop!

The first time they put me at 75% of the therapeutic dose as a safety measure. Yes, I felt like crap, but for this time, I asked for more. "I can handle it, I want the max, let's fuck Earl up!"

I'm going to beat the crap out of both of us so I can win. I don't want to waste time being nice.

Lindsay popped up on my memories on facebook today. She was one of my best friends, since age 9. My aunt thought I needed a playmate when I would stay across the state at my grandparent's house in the summer, so she introduced me to her friend's daughter, and we were friends from the moment we met. A year after I was declared as in remission, Lindsay called and said she was sick. Two months later, she was gone. Lindsay was the light of any room she walked into. Kind, funny, loyal, and inspiring. She saw and brought out the best in others. She lived with love.

She is my biggest source of survivor's guilt. 

All survivors have that twinge in the back of their minds. Every time I hear a story of a brain cancer patient who passed I wonder what the world would look like if we traded places. Linds had a HUGE future. At that point in my life, if you would have given me the option to trade, I wouldn't have blinked. 

But I wasn't given the option and so I did the only thing I could do to honor her, live. I tried to build a life she would be happy to see me have. Sometimes, when I look at my son, I feel her smile. She had THE BEST smile. I don't have strong opinions of what the afterlife is or how it works, but I do talk to her. 

In that first week when we were waiting to hear how serious my tumor is now, I spoke to her often. We all have coping mechanisms, apparently one of mine is talking to dead people. lol... Don't worry, I don't hear them talk back, yet.

But I do know what she would say: "Give 'em hell!" 

I'm guessing that my story is bringing up other stories and helping you grieve your own loved ones. Me too.

The less thing to worry about is that I'm feeling strong and about to land the heaviest blows I've ever thrown at Earl. I'm just getting started. My fortitude is for Torin and Aaron, you all, my fellow and fallen brain cancer warriors, and Linds.

She has a foundation in case you want to know more about her and increase your awareness of sarcoma. 

http://www.ftlsarcomafund.org/

Don't worry, I wouldn't hold out on a Torin pic. He is getting so big!

















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