Good morning!
It's been a long time since I've posted, and those who don't just stalk me here are finding out through facebook (yes, we are ALL addicted) that I'm going through quite a few life changes in the last 2.75 months.
I'm going to try to give you the shortest version I can, it will still be a considerable read. WARNING, I don't suggest that you read this if you cry readily, this one is gonna be a tough one for me, so sorry in advance for the emotional rollercoaster.
The real change began right around the last post. It was Jason's 26th birthday on the 24th of June, and he was acting strange. (Well, stranger than normal). On the 30th, we broke up. Now, before you all go nuts and pull on the battle armor, let me tell you a something about Jason, he dated a lot, but I'm the only girlfriend he's ever had. One girl spanning from age 19 to 26. Unfortunately, when it's a "first" relationship, and it lasts that long, it doesn't always end as amicably as we have. Long story short, starting year 3ish we started to see some trouble, the relationship slowly declined. Then, I got sick, and he was told by me and multiple of my family members that he didn't need to stay. He chose to stay with me through that whole ridiculous terrible experience at age 24. When I got better and we resumed life as normal, the steady decline resumed. His birthday was the catalyst for change he needed to make to be a happier person. I wasn't a happy person either, which I think would surprise a lot of you(I'm excellent at compartmentalizing my life). It was time. It was the right move and I'm glad he was brave enough to take the initiative, because he said he was leaving, and I, in turn, did not ask him to stay. We still love each other, we are still close, we talk, we miss each other and value each other more apart than we did together. It's the right thing for right now.
Three days after this started, I was passed up for a promotion at work. This was the second I had applied for in the last 6 months. The people who got it were VERY qualified and I was not upset that they got it, I was just sad because I knew that meant that no other opportunities were going to surface before my contract was up with my position in an area at Albany. It made me feel like all my hard work wasn't valued, that the fact I had worked fulltime through my illness didn't mean as much to them as I felt it should have. I had myself a little internal pity party while I smiled and congratulated the ones who got the position. I was and am STILL happy for them, they are just as deserving, but "no" is still a hard word to swallow no matter how old you are. =)
When the job news came, I almost snapped. This is going to be really sad and I'm sorry to scare ya'll but the relationship and the job were the two most important things in my everyday life. Where I LIVED and spent 95% of my time, energy, love, and identity had come crashing down around me on top of just having gone through an illness that rocked my mindset and orientation to the future in general. I'm sure that if I were going to counseling for being sick this kind of stuff has a name or part of some grieving process. The thought process at this moment was this: something had gone wrong and I wasn't meant to get better, but I had, and now I was being punished. All the life I was "supposed to" have was ending because my candle went out when I had gone in for surgery 18 months prior, and I was living like you do an expired cellphone contract, month to month with no renewal ever going to happen. Yes, twisted and morbid, I KNOW!
Luckily, I had brain tumor support group that night. I bawled my eyes out and told them everything. It was good timing, they were the right people to hear and to help me process the crumbling pedestal I had put myself on as well as the right ingredient to refresh my positivity. I just beat cancer and was going to let silly things like boyfriends and jobs get me down?! Really? I've never met someone who hasn't stared down the abyss at least once. Apparently me and the big black hole are besties because we've been visiting a lot. Either way, we left that interaction as: Black Hole 0, Danielle 1.=)
The next morning I jumped into action with the help from Michelle Anderson, my boss and VERY good friend from Arkansas when I went to gradschool. She is the best kind of person there is, the type that sees you for all your best qualities, expects nothing less, and holds you to it! Some people call it tough love, I call it AWESOME! You know the voices in your head that always tell you right from wrong? Mich has been one of my voices for at least the last 6 years.=)
I applied for 10 jobs in 10 days. All in the Midwest. I had always hoped someday to raise my children near my family. Well, me and baby cancer were going to go home! I got interviews from two of the jobs. One of them moved a lot quicker than the other, First interview 8-7, Second On-Campus interview 8-15, job offer 8-24, job start-date 9-4. I now work at thee One and ONLY University of Michigan! Hail! I took a job working for the same department I graduated from 6 years prior. The psych department welcomed me home, and now I run the Psych PhD admissions, finances and advising.
Minor gliches: I'm pretty sure I have my first cold in 2 years right now, and I don't have an apartment until November, so luckily I'm staying with family and MY MEGAN! Today is her Birthday, 28 like me! =)
After the low moment all the change happened so fast, and I'm now living with people so I don't get that same alone time to wallow or over-analyze or question, I just moved forward. I grabbed the first life-line and made a change I had needed for a long time. My job was hard, this one isn't easier, but at 5pm, I am my own person again. I'm well rested, surrounded by people who love me, and can't wait to move into my new digs with a kitten and maybe a puppy too.
I know, that for at least the next 3 years, I'll be working in this department, going to football games, having Megan sleep in my guest room or couch any chance she gets, and having all my Michigan friends find excuses to come visit me because I'm back at the motherland for memory lane and always up to catch a game. I was so happy at UofM, I found myself here, and it sounds like I need to find myself again. Although I'm not a superfan of her, Madonna's career success has been her ability to consistently revise and recreate herself. Like my fellow Michigander, I'm gonna hope that that is my success as well...
Sometimes we go out to find ourselves and sometimes we come home to remember the parts of us we forgot. I've been given the opportunity to rediscover the pieces of myself that went missing all over the country as I went out and explored. I'm home to Michigan, and believe me, my parents are screaming at the top of their lungs that that is definitely ONE LESS THING TO WORRY ABOUT! If you stop and listen you can hear their heart rate/blood pressure lowering... =)
Other important things to note: Jason got an EXCELLENT job opportunity and will be working overseas in stem cell research and getting his PhD from Cornell as he's doing it. Taking a step away from the relationship resulted in equally awesome opportunities for both of us. We were too comfortable and so we didn't take risks. Seems like all the doors were open, we just had to take a step. I'm VERY proud of him and know he's going to do great things!
Speaking of great things... I've got a great thing going here at UofM, and I'd like to focus on that now. I wasn't open professionally about my recent flirtation with terminal illness, and therefore want to keep it a private matter at my new job and focus on being healthy, happy and capable. Given that, I'll be closing this blog down and opening another, focusing on my new self-discoveries. I will post that blog address here so ya'll can get the new link set up if you want to follow.
Thanks to Moe and Johnny for putting me up for these last couple weeks, and making my B-day awesome:
Professional Makeup by Chanel! I keep posting it everywhere because I want record that I had on "sexy" makeup! I'm still so shocked!
28 is gonna be an exciting year....
It's been a long time since I've posted, and those who don't just stalk me here are finding out through facebook (yes, we are ALL addicted) that I'm going through quite a few life changes in the last 2.75 months.
I'm going to try to give you the shortest version I can, it will still be a considerable read. WARNING, I don't suggest that you read this if you cry readily, this one is gonna be a tough one for me, so sorry in advance for the emotional rollercoaster.
The real change began right around the last post. It was Jason's 26th birthday on the 24th of June, and he was acting strange. (Well, stranger than normal). On the 30th, we broke up. Now, before you all go nuts and pull on the battle armor, let me tell you a something about Jason, he dated a lot, but I'm the only girlfriend he's ever had. One girl spanning from age 19 to 26. Unfortunately, when it's a "first" relationship, and it lasts that long, it doesn't always end as amicably as we have. Long story short, starting year 3ish we started to see some trouble, the relationship slowly declined. Then, I got sick, and he was told by me and multiple of my family members that he didn't need to stay. He chose to stay with me through that whole ridiculous terrible experience at age 24. When I got better and we resumed life as normal, the steady decline resumed. His birthday was the catalyst for change he needed to make to be a happier person. I wasn't a happy person either, which I think would surprise a lot of you(I'm excellent at compartmentalizing my life). It was time. It was the right move and I'm glad he was brave enough to take the initiative, because he said he was leaving, and I, in turn, did not ask him to stay. We still love each other, we are still close, we talk, we miss each other and value each other more apart than we did together. It's the right thing for right now.
Three days after this started, I was passed up for a promotion at work. This was the second I had applied for in the last 6 months. The people who got it were VERY qualified and I was not upset that they got it, I was just sad because I knew that meant that no other opportunities were going to surface before my contract was up with my position in an area at Albany. It made me feel like all my hard work wasn't valued, that the fact I had worked fulltime through my illness didn't mean as much to them as I felt it should have. I had myself a little internal pity party while I smiled and congratulated the ones who got the position. I was and am STILL happy for them, they are just as deserving, but "no" is still a hard word to swallow no matter how old you are. =)
When the job news came, I almost snapped. This is going to be really sad and I'm sorry to scare ya'll but the relationship and the job were the two most important things in my everyday life. Where I LIVED and spent 95% of my time, energy, love, and identity had come crashing down around me on top of just having gone through an illness that rocked my mindset and orientation to the future in general. I'm sure that if I were going to counseling for being sick this kind of stuff has a name or part of some grieving process. The thought process at this moment was this: something had gone wrong and I wasn't meant to get better, but I had, and now I was being punished. All the life I was "supposed to" have was ending because my candle went out when I had gone in for surgery 18 months prior, and I was living like you do an expired cellphone contract, month to month with no renewal ever going to happen. Yes, twisted and morbid, I KNOW!
Luckily, I had brain tumor support group that night. I bawled my eyes out and told them everything. It was good timing, they were the right people to hear and to help me process the crumbling pedestal I had put myself on as well as the right ingredient to refresh my positivity. I just beat cancer and was going to let silly things like boyfriends and jobs get me down?! Really? I've never met someone who hasn't stared down the abyss at least once. Apparently me and the big black hole are besties because we've been visiting a lot. Either way, we left that interaction as: Black Hole 0, Danielle 1.=)
The next morning I jumped into action with the help from Michelle Anderson, my boss and VERY good friend from Arkansas when I went to gradschool. She is the best kind of person there is, the type that sees you for all your best qualities, expects nothing less, and holds you to it! Some people call it tough love, I call it AWESOME! You know the voices in your head that always tell you right from wrong? Mich has been one of my voices for at least the last 6 years.=)
I applied for 10 jobs in 10 days. All in the Midwest. I had always hoped someday to raise my children near my family. Well, me and baby cancer were going to go home! I got interviews from two of the jobs. One of them moved a lot quicker than the other, First interview 8-7, Second On-Campus interview 8-15, job offer 8-24, job start-date 9-4. I now work at thee One and ONLY University of Michigan! Hail! I took a job working for the same department I graduated from 6 years prior. The psych department welcomed me home, and now I run the Psych PhD admissions, finances and advising.
Minor gliches: I'm pretty sure I have my first cold in 2 years right now, and I don't have an apartment until November, so luckily I'm staying with family and MY MEGAN! Today is her Birthday, 28 like me! =)
After the low moment all the change happened so fast, and I'm now living with people so I don't get that same alone time to wallow or over-analyze or question, I just moved forward. I grabbed the first life-line and made a change I had needed for a long time. My job was hard, this one isn't easier, but at 5pm, I am my own person again. I'm well rested, surrounded by people who love me, and can't wait to move into my new digs with a kitten and maybe a puppy too.
I know, that for at least the next 3 years, I'll be working in this department, going to football games, having Megan sleep in my guest room or couch any chance she gets, and having all my Michigan friends find excuses to come visit me because I'm back at the motherland for memory lane and always up to catch a game. I was so happy at UofM, I found myself here, and it sounds like I need to find myself again. Although I'm not a superfan of her, Madonna's career success has been her ability to consistently revise and recreate herself. Like my fellow Michigander, I'm gonna hope that that is my success as well...
Sometimes we go out to find ourselves and sometimes we come home to remember the parts of us we forgot. I've been given the opportunity to rediscover the pieces of myself that went missing all over the country as I went out and explored. I'm home to Michigan, and believe me, my parents are screaming at the top of their lungs that that is definitely ONE LESS THING TO WORRY ABOUT! If you stop and listen you can hear their heart rate/blood pressure lowering... =)
Other important things to note: Jason got an EXCELLENT job opportunity and will be working overseas in stem cell research and getting his PhD from Cornell as he's doing it. Taking a step away from the relationship resulted in equally awesome opportunities for both of us. We were too comfortable and so we didn't take risks. Seems like all the doors were open, we just had to take a step. I'm VERY proud of him and know he's going to do great things!
Speaking of great things... I've got a great thing going here at UofM, and I'd like to focus on that now. I wasn't open professionally about my recent flirtation with terminal illness, and therefore want to keep it a private matter at my new job and focus on being healthy, happy and capable. Given that, I'll be closing this blog down and opening another, focusing on my new self-discoveries. I will post that blog address here so ya'll can get the new link set up if you want to follow.
Thanks to Moe and Johnny for putting me up for these last couple weeks, and making my B-day awesome:
Professional Makeup by Chanel! I keep posting it everywhere because I want record that I had on "sexy" makeup! I'm still so shocked!
28 is gonna be an exciting year....
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