After a 4 hour drive to Farmington Hills to visit one of my BFFs, followed by a drive to Ann Arbor for 5 hours of fun and another BFF, one day/night in Novi to see Jason's parents, one day/night in Ubly to visit my mother's family and my grandpa's b-day and such, and lastly, a 12 hour drive (bridge traffic WHOA), I made it to Albany at 11pm Sunday July 17th. Take THAT!
Not only did I drive, I drove A LOT, with not much rest, and I did AWESOME just like I used to. I even beat Jason (who was driving his car back) by about 15-20 minutes. So, I think we can finally put the car thing to rest doctors, I am made for driving, I was probably a trucker in a past life! Honk Honk!!
In the midst of all that, I worked in some "family drama" on both fronts, meaning with my immediate family and Jason's family. Always a favorite! Luckily I was a bystander with Jason's family, and "drama" in his house is a like a day with flowers and butterflies and sunshine compared to my family. I could be in a house with people arguing and not feel uncomfortable in anyway. How they pull that off is AWESOME. The only sad part is, Jason decided NOT to get a new car after pestering me to look at this car, no that car, no that car, oh wait this car again, and this feature, and test ride this, no this, no that car, and etc for MONTHS. Argh, men and their toys, right?!
Most things have resolved themselves, but it has gotten me reflecting about how arguing fits into my "new life perspective" with being sick and all. Basically, what it comes down to for me is that life is too short to hold in hurt, and yet, at the same time, speaking up can cause more damage than what it's worth. Family is tough because they are yours because it was purposefully meant to be yours. You didn't chose them and vice versa.
This is difficult to manage because ultimately, I'd like to eliminate anyone who can't hear a hard truth about themselves out of my life because that's how I prefer to roll. Look at all these strong vocal, HONEST people I surround myself with? Jess, Des, Michelle, Sree and Sherm, Justin, Sara, and the less vocal but just as poignant, Brandi, Karla and Megs... (don't feel offended if you're my good friend and not here, I'm just pointing out a few that come to mind who are especially adept at handing out a hard truth, something I admire about them very much).
Anyways, being sick, I now find myself constantly re-framing the world around me into the "does this make me happy, is this how I want to live my life, etc" The "live like you are dying" mantra is setting in, and I'm lucky to be so young and so aware of how short, how fleeting, how surprisingly fragile life is. If I get to live a long time, I am going to be one bad-ass old women, because I'll have lived my whole life with this mindset. Believe me, cancer is with me all the time, I'm not going to let that sneaky little devil hide in the shadows of my mind, where I forget and become complacent and distracted with everyday bullshit. The big C will be out in the open and part of the process and keep me from losing sight of the big picture.
What I discovered about myself this week is that I have always been drawn to, close to, and loved dearly those who "Dish it OUT." Not only do they do it, but they do it in a way where most people are like, yes, this tastes good, gimme some more! This magnetism I have to them is mostly because the same thought went through my head and I couldn't figure out the clever way to put it. So, how do I want to live?: As honestly and up-front as they do, and as poignant and poetically as they put it. Take THAT. Let the "tell it like it is" lessons begin!
I don't feel like I haven't been genuine, I've just chosen to withstand a lot of things in silence (even though I talk A LOT) because I knew I could handle it. BUT, life is short, better be who you are, ALL THE TIME, whether angry, sad, glad, whatever it is and be with those who love it and can handle all the colors of your rainbow. Oh, and guess what? As mentioned above, I've got plenty of role-models who are about to Mr Miyagi me into super black-belt verbal transparency that is appropriate and fitting to the situation, as well as well-received. =) One less thing to worry about!
Not only did I drive, I drove A LOT, with not much rest, and I did AWESOME just like I used to. I even beat Jason (who was driving his car back) by about 15-20 minutes. So, I think we can finally put the car thing to rest doctors, I am made for driving, I was probably a trucker in a past life! Honk Honk!!
In the midst of all that, I worked in some "family drama" on both fronts, meaning with my immediate family and Jason's family. Always a favorite! Luckily I was a bystander with Jason's family, and "drama" in his house is a like a day with flowers and butterflies and sunshine compared to my family. I could be in a house with people arguing and not feel uncomfortable in anyway. How they pull that off is AWESOME. The only sad part is, Jason decided NOT to get a new car after pestering me to look at this car, no that car, no that car, oh wait this car again, and this feature, and test ride this, no this, no that car, and etc for MONTHS. Argh, men and their toys, right?!
Most things have resolved themselves, but it has gotten me reflecting about how arguing fits into my "new life perspective" with being sick and all. Basically, what it comes down to for me is that life is too short to hold in hurt, and yet, at the same time, speaking up can cause more damage than what it's worth. Family is tough because they are yours because it was purposefully meant to be yours. You didn't chose them and vice versa.
This is difficult to manage because ultimately, I'd like to eliminate anyone who can't hear a hard truth about themselves out of my life because that's how I prefer to roll. Look at all these strong vocal, HONEST people I surround myself with? Jess, Des, Michelle, Sree and Sherm, Justin, Sara, and the less vocal but just as poignant, Brandi, Karla and Megs... (don't feel offended if you're my good friend and not here, I'm just pointing out a few that come to mind who are especially adept at handing out a hard truth, something I admire about them very much).
Anyways, being sick, I now find myself constantly re-framing the world around me into the "does this make me happy, is this how I want to live my life, etc" The "live like you are dying" mantra is setting in, and I'm lucky to be so young and so aware of how short, how fleeting, how surprisingly fragile life is. If I get to live a long time, I am going to be one bad-ass old women, because I'll have lived my whole life with this mindset. Believe me, cancer is with me all the time, I'm not going to let that sneaky little devil hide in the shadows of my mind, where I forget and become complacent and distracted with everyday bullshit. The big C will be out in the open and part of the process and keep me from losing sight of the big picture.
What I discovered about myself this week is that I have always been drawn to, close to, and loved dearly those who "Dish it OUT." Not only do they do it, but they do it in a way where most people are like, yes, this tastes good, gimme some more! This magnetism I have to them is mostly because the same thought went through my head and I couldn't figure out the clever way to put it. So, how do I want to live?: As honestly and up-front as they do, and as poignant and poetically as they put it. Take THAT. Let the "tell it like it is" lessons begin!
I don't feel like I haven't been genuine, I've just chosen to withstand a lot of things in silence (even though I talk A LOT) because I knew I could handle it. BUT, life is short, better be who you are, ALL THE TIME, whether angry, sad, glad, whatever it is and be with those who love it and can handle all the colors of your rainbow. Oh, and guess what? As mentioned above, I've got plenty of role-models who are about to Mr Miyagi me into super black-belt verbal transparency that is appropriate and fitting to the situation, as well as well-received. =) One less thing to worry about!
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