On June 2nd, I touched down in Manistee MI, and it seems like forever ago and yet not long enough ago. My grandpa Gib used to tell me that as you get older the years go by faster. He said he just blinked and I got three years older! I giggled and tried my best to beat him at "golf" (card game). I sit typing now and it feels like that. I tell my students this same thing when I'm working, about how quick the college years pass. Now, for me, time takes on a lot more significance.
There are a lot of things I "meant" to do that didn't get done while I was here. It's unfortunate, but I stay positive that there will be other summers. I did a lot of visiting, not as much as I hoped. I didn't make it up North to the UP, but other than that, my to-do list has been crossed off. I did a lot of sitting, more than plenty I assure you. Some days I felt awesome, and others (like today) I spent laying low. I took pictures, visited with friends, was relatively mindful with my medicine, and got plenty of rest. I'm going to have to figure out how to figure in 10 hours of sleep into my work schedule when I go back (Yeah, Right). Sleep is still DELICIOUS! I have little souveniers of silly stuff I bought, for example, I found Jason some boxers with bananas on them. Nothing cheesy though, of course!! =)
So I'm heading downstate hoping to connect with some family and friends for a few days, have a family reunion to attend and my grandpa's 91st birthday to celebrate. Then, off I go to NY for a little bit of stay-cationing before I officially am working again.
It's not quite that simple though, when I get back I do another MRI and my first PET scan, and we see how 3.5 months without radiation (just chemo) has done with maintaining my progress ie keeping the tumor inactive/maybe some more shrinkage. This test is a game changer for me, I may try a new therapy if I've maxed out the success my current form of poison. It may change my plans for work and all sorts of stuff. I'm not in the clear yet, but this vacation was meant to give me as close to normal as I've had in a long time. I consider it to be a pretty successful "go" at normal after my ordeal this winter. I'm hoping it was the reset button so I can start this fall fresh.
But even this beginning will not be brand new, I'm 26 and I've had too much "life experience" to ever approach anything "green" again. Lots of my family have always referred to me as an "old soul", especially my mom. If it was sort of true then, it's definitely true now. I used to approach everything with my whole life in front of me... now I feel like I'm evaluating my life the same way someone who is approaching retirement would. What do I want with my time? Where do I want to be? Who do I want with me? What about my current commitments? Do I have enough stored up to take care of myself and loved ones? What am I going to do with my free time? Work? etc. They are questions we ask at all stages of life, and I've always worried about them, but they have made the switch from: "what next" to "what's left..."
How do I want to live?
Everyone is now putting down the harder questions to answer: marriage? kids? house? Things I always thought would be in the picture and now have to make definitive choices about whether I still want them without having a definitive timeline for whether or not I would be able to do them...
For now, I want to live happy.
It's a simple answer for how complicated we make life for ourselves. I'm so future oriented and still catch myself behaving like when I was 9 at my grandpa's table, feeling like I have SO MUCH time to fill with things to accomplish and do. The future is never guaranteed, we obliviously walk in front of the 50mph taxi cab while texting on our smartphone about this weekend's plans that turn to a funeral instead of a movie. Or, I could blink and this blogpost will be 3 years old. Who knows.
For now, I'm approaching everything, even the things I know I have to do with "does this make me happy?" If it doesn't, I change my attitude or I change what I'm doing, whichever. Lots of us don't live perpetually happy, and I don't expect to, but I know I spend very little amount of time sad or angry these days. Much less than before, which I consider to be One less thing to worry about. Quality, not Quantity is a mantra a lot of us use for lots of things. Luckily it applies in life.
There are a lot of things I "meant" to do that didn't get done while I was here. It's unfortunate, but I stay positive that there will be other summers. I did a lot of visiting, not as much as I hoped. I didn't make it up North to the UP, but other than that, my to-do list has been crossed off. I did a lot of sitting, more than plenty I assure you. Some days I felt awesome, and others (like today) I spent laying low. I took pictures, visited with friends, was relatively mindful with my medicine, and got plenty of rest. I'm going to have to figure out how to figure in 10 hours of sleep into my work schedule when I go back (Yeah, Right). Sleep is still DELICIOUS! I have little souveniers of silly stuff I bought, for example, I found Jason some boxers with bananas on them. Nothing cheesy though, of course!! =)
So I'm heading downstate hoping to connect with some family and friends for a few days, have a family reunion to attend and my grandpa's 91st birthday to celebrate. Then, off I go to NY for a little bit of stay-cationing before I officially am working again.
It's not quite that simple though, when I get back I do another MRI and my first PET scan, and we see how 3.5 months without radiation (just chemo) has done with maintaining my progress ie keeping the tumor inactive/maybe some more shrinkage. This test is a game changer for me, I may try a new therapy if I've maxed out the success my current form of poison. It may change my plans for work and all sorts of stuff. I'm not in the clear yet, but this vacation was meant to give me as close to normal as I've had in a long time. I consider it to be a pretty successful "go" at normal after my ordeal this winter. I'm hoping it was the reset button so I can start this fall fresh.
But even this beginning will not be brand new, I'm 26 and I've had too much "life experience" to ever approach anything "green" again. Lots of my family have always referred to me as an "old soul", especially my mom. If it was sort of true then, it's definitely true now. I used to approach everything with my whole life in front of me... now I feel like I'm evaluating my life the same way someone who is approaching retirement would. What do I want with my time? Where do I want to be? Who do I want with me? What about my current commitments? Do I have enough stored up to take care of myself and loved ones? What am I going to do with my free time? Work? etc. They are questions we ask at all stages of life, and I've always worried about them, but they have made the switch from: "what next" to "what's left..."
How do I want to live?
Everyone is now putting down the harder questions to answer: marriage? kids? house? Things I always thought would be in the picture and now have to make definitive choices about whether I still want them without having a definitive timeline for whether or not I would be able to do them...
For now, I want to live happy.
It's a simple answer for how complicated we make life for ourselves. I'm so future oriented and still catch myself behaving like when I was 9 at my grandpa's table, feeling like I have SO MUCH time to fill with things to accomplish and do. The future is never guaranteed, we obliviously walk in front of the 50mph taxi cab while texting on our smartphone about this weekend's plans that turn to a funeral instead of a movie. Or, I could blink and this blogpost will be 3 years old. Who knows.
For now, I'm approaching everything, even the things I know I have to do with "does this make me happy?" If it doesn't, I change my attitude or I change what I'm doing, whichever. Lots of us don't live perpetually happy, and I don't expect to, but I know I spend very little amount of time sad or angry these days. Much less than before, which I consider to be One less thing to worry about. Quality, not Quantity is a mantra a lot of us use for lots of things. Luckily it applies in life.
Many HAPPY moments...
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